Don't Do Sadness
by cocobuta04
Summary: Emma wants someone to fill that empty space in her bed. whaat? read more. :[Filler chapter]
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I came up with the idea for the story from listening to the spring awakening soundtrack.

Emma Nelson wiped her dry eyes. Was it heartless that she couldn't come up with one tear for the fact that her ex-boyfriend just died. Was she that much of a heartless bitch? I guess I am…she thought while sipping some iced tea. Ever since she heard the news, all she could do was laugh, laugh her freaking heart out- and she was great at this. Some people thought that she was in denial, others thought that she was a bitch- a topic which we already covered- and some just thought she was just plain insane. Even Mrs. Suave recommended her to a local therapist.

But Emma wasn't in denial.

She wasn't one of those hysteric ex- girlfriends; she didn't need to be told twice. Sean was dead and she knew it. Maybe that was the reason why whenever she heard his name, she let out an obnoxious chuckle. It wasn't their good memories that made her laugh, it was the fucked up ones. His face when he dumped her for the first time, the way he just left and went off to Wasaga beach. These memories didn't make her sad, nor did they make her angry. So the only reasonable thing to do was to laugh.

She couldn't take the time out to remember his laugh, or even his face. Because, truthfully, Emma didn't have time. She didn't have time for the memories. She didn't time to be sad. All she could do was make it through the day. She couldn't let spike see her down, couldn't make snake feel bad for her. She had to hide her problems away in their own personal Pandora's Box, and let them forget themselves. She sniffled, and let it sound like she was crying. She looked up at the clock.

It was 12:00. Sean's funeral was only fifteen minutes away.

She had declined to be a speaker at the funeral, because it was too damn hard. But then again, she wouldn't admit that to anyone else. She couldn't stand up there, facing everyone she knew, telling them a bunch of intertwined bullshit about Sean Cameron's life. She just couldn't. And anyways, why would Sean want that?

She made it to the bottom of her glass, and put it in the sink. There was no ice tea to save her now. She straightened out her shirt, and knew that in negative three seconds, spike would be calling her name.

3…2…1…

"Emma. It's time to go!" Her voice sounded so gentle, as it had been for the past couple of days. She had been trying to sympathetic to her daughter, trying to avoid the big huge elephant in the room that followed Emma around- but Emma took no noticed. Emma walked out of the kitchen and out the door into the sunshine. She covered her face, and for a moment felt like laughing.

Because Emma Nelson didn't have time to do sadness.

---

A/N: Sorry for the shortness, I just wanted it to be an introduction, or an epilogue. The next chapter will be definitely longer…


	2. Chapter 2

Eleanor Nash sat meekly in the 100 degree church, with only one question on her mind.

Who the fuck were all these people?

The whole entire church was covered, not entirely wall to wall, but it was still full. Teachers and students sat on, pretending to listen to the service, when really it was a chance to do their conscience community service for the month. Ellie rolled her eyes. They probably all hated Sean, and he had probably done something to make it that way. Every time she heard a sniffle, or saw a tear, she would let out a chuckle. It was all a bunch of fucking bullshit. She didn't like funerals. She thought they were a waste of time. Why spend two hours making up lies about someone's past? Really, it was all too savage for her taste.

If it were choice, she would've have just took his ashes and spread them around the city. It was at least less obnoxious than this.

She did her required eye roll, and looked around again. Everyone was going to console Emma while she stood awkwardly in the back round. It didn't matter if Ellie was his girlfriend, and Emma had already broken up with him- they were still going to give her their sympathies. Maybe it was because she was one of the nice ones.

Ellie listened half heartedly to the man at the pulpit throwing his bullshit around about how he knew Sean when he was younger, and how much "potential" he had. Ha. It didn't occur to Ellie until now that there were many teachers. Too many. They were almost plaguing the place. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Mrs. Suave, with tears strategically placed on her cheek, as if to say "I have feelings too!". And only a few seats away from her was Mr. Raditch, solemn, probably thinking about how to improve his golf swing. Ellie was in a sea of fakers, of people who came for their own reasons besides the one that was really genuine.

Inhaling a huge sigh, she got up, stepping on a few toes. She walked down the church aisle, with the many eyes on her. But she didn't care, mainly because she didn't have the time to. Opening the church doors, rays of sun flashed in her eyes, and wished that it was raining or something dramatic like a hailstorm. Ellie could feel the eyes of many staring down into her back, but she didn't care.

Ellie didn't do pity.

---

Craig Manning watched out of the corner of his eye, Ellie Nash walking out. And for some reason, he felt like going with her. He didn't do funerals, and in fact hated them. Maybe it was the combination of a dead body in a cheap suit that gave him the shivers. Maybe it was the fact that everything felt so fake. He looked over at Joey.

"Hey."

"What Craig?"

"Maybe we should send them flowers." Joey ignored him, obviously like the rest of the adults who were "shocked" that a kid could die this young.

Craig remembered the picture of Joey's porch being filled with flowers after his father's death. It was almost too much to handle. But flowers were perfect in this situation. It was the only way to say you understood without actually saying it. He thought about sending sunflowers. Or even daisies. And even though this was supposed to be for Sean's family, he thought more about Emma. He looked over at her, and two pews away there she was, sitting stiffly and trying not to cry. He felt bad for her. He felt bad that she had to take all of this shit. He knew what she was going through, and how shitty it felt, but was surprised that she was taking it so well. Craig felt like holding her hand and being that clichéd shoulder to lean on. If she needed it, then he would be there.

"Now everyone, you may go outside now, and we will start the march to the cemetery."

Craig let out a sigh of relief, relieved that he didn't have to be in this hell hole any second longer. He paused at the sight of Emma, who was standing in front of Sean's coffin. He walked over. Sean looked OK- in a navy blue suit that was obviously brought the night before, and his hair was gelled to the side. He was definitely not the Sean that Craig knew, nor the one that died. He was just another kid who died nothing special. Craig shivered, looking away, remembering that time on the railroad tracks. Emma stood still, her mouth half open, also staring at the guy in front of her. Craig put his hand on her shoulder, it seeming like the only right thing to do. And even though he wouldn't admit it, he needed to do it for himself. Blinking his eyes, a stray tear bounced off his eyelash.

Craig kept his hand there for a minute, both of them staring at Sean, and unwillingly starting to remember. Emma's reached out her arm towards the coffin, but stopped midway. She turned around.

"We better get going."

"Ok." Craig removed his hand as they both walked down the church aisle. Going out into the sun, Emma laced her fingers in between his. He didn't need to look to know that she trusted him. Things were going to be Ok, eventually. Craig stared up into the sky, almost being blinded in the process. It felt like eyes were on them both.

And Craig felt that those eyes were Sean Cameron's.

---

Death wasn't all that they made it out to be, and Sean Cameron believed this to be true. Besides the waiting, death was actually quite peaceful. The grass was unnaturally green, and you could spot John Lennon now and then. And as of right now, Sean Cameron was having a field day out of watching his own funeral. He laughed when Ellie walked out, felt weird when he saw Emma, and felt jealous when he saw Craig's hand on her shoulder. It was different, watching life go on without you. Sean found it quite refreshing. He perched himself in the grass, which had no remnants of dog poop, and watched on. He could do this for hours, watching the world which he once knew marching on without him. The concept was relatively simple. He would bury his head into the grass, and after a couple of minutes, it would all disappear, and in front of him were all the lives that he left behind. It was like Bruce almighty, except without the god complex. Except "God" was nowhere to be found, and Sean always had one question to ask.

Why him?

And Sean pondered this question daily.

He went back to looking at everyone else, watching them lug his body towards the cemetery. Craig and Emma were holding hands, but by the look on Emma's face it was purely platonic. Standing underneath a tree was Jay, smoking a cigarette, and looking on from the sidelines. He suddenly saw Ellie. Her face was streamed with tears, and her hand was armed with a razor. Shaking his head, Paige Michulchuck appeared in front of him, following everyone else, dabbing at her fake tears. Right behind her were Manny and JT, Manny dressed in a black clad dress which was cut in all the wrong places. She and JT were linked arm and arm, not saying anything. It was almost like he was there with them.

Except that life's a bitch.

---


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the lovely review guys. You all rock. :

The last place Paige Michulchuck expected to be was at Sean Cameron's funeral. In fact, the guy annoyed the hell out of her when he went into his tacky "thug" stage. But Paige thought it was only right, and it gave her a chance to show off her amazing new suit she got the day before. And she wore it well. She looked to her right to see Craig and Emma holding hands. She rolled her eyes, knowing that Craig was best at getting in the pants of girls when their self esteem is in the toilet. And this was certainly true for Emma Nelson. She dabbed at her cheeks, hoping not to entirely ruin her makeup. On her left were JT and Manny, Manny wearing a dress that looked like she borrowed it from her four year old sister. It seemed like everyone was here, so the fact that she just came to get out of taking a test that she knew she would bomb didn't make her a bad person? Did it?

Well, if it did, then everyone was going down to hell with her.

The wind blew through her newly highlighted blonde hair, some of it getting her eyes. Paige continued to ignore the guy who was speaking, and started to re-apply her strawberry lip gloss. It was hard maintaining the title of a heartless, selfish bitch. Thankfully, Paige was as shallow as a shower. After putting her lip gloss away, she watched as Sean's casket went down into the ground. And then it hit her. Sean Cameron was really _dead_. It wasn't like she didn't believe it the first time she heard it, she wasn't that stupid. But this wasn't another rumor, Sean was actually dead. And it bitched slapped Paige right in the face. All of it was actually quite surreal; an actual classmate of hers was dead. She had heard of stories of this before, but the fact that she one of the people that knew Sean, it was weird. All of it was too fucking weird. Shaking her head, she looked through her purse, and was about to do what she always secretly did when she felt like she was going underwater.

This was smoking.

Yes, it was a shitty habit, and yes it did make her breath smell like crap, but it was the only to calm her down. She took out a pack of caramel lights, and went to hide behind a tree. The one she found had huge branches, and the shade covered her like a blanket. Taking out a lighter, she lit the thing, and started to puff.

Yes, this was it. Paige Michulchuck had everything back in control. Sighing in, she slid off her three inch high stilettos. She inhaled some more smoke. For a habit that could give you lung cancer, it sure as hell was calming, she thought. Closing her eyes, she slid down to ground, and her legs felt cold when they came in contact with the cold dirt.

She couldn't cry. She didn't even like guy. She couldn't cry over someone as miniscule as Sean Cameron, she just couldn't. Big, fat juicy tears began sliding down her cheeks, and she didn't bother to stop. The number of tears began to increase, and before she knew it she was sobbing.

"Hey, mind giving me a smoke?"

Paige opened her eyes, to see a blurry image of Jay Hogart. Rubbing her eyes, she made sure that her face was dry. In fact she was surprised that he hadn't stooped to calling her any names.

"Uh, sure." She scrambled through her purse.

"Mrs. Princess, I never thought that you'd be the smoker type."

Ignoring him, Paige handed him a cigarette.

"These are chick cigarettes."

"Take it or leave it." She said sniffling, and handed him her lighter. She watched him, with a feeling of sadness, and too bothered to say anything snide back. A single tear broke loose from Paige's almost dry eyes, and streamed down her cheek. And without thinking, a few more came after as well. Jay stopped smoking, and looked down at her. Paige Michulchuck had finally cracked, and he had the pleasure of witnessing it.

"Hey…are you…_crying_?" He said in disbelief. Rubbing her eyes, Paige got up from the ground, and wiped off her skirt.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Look Jay, just mind your own fucking business! Okay?" Trembling, Paige went back to her sob fest. Jay, watching her, threw his cigarette on the ground and crushed it with his foot. Slowly, he walked towards her, and gave her what she least expected- which was a hug.

Paige desperately wanted to pull away, or better yet, she was waiting for Jay to jump back and say "You just got punked sucka!" But then again, he hardly had the looks of Ashton Kutcher. Breathing deeply, she just hung on to Jay's small waist, and actually let him hug her. It was a first for Paige, seeing that most people were even afraid to touch her.

"what-what are you doing?" she whispered, but Jay ignored her, and started to sway back and forth. And almost as it was second nature, Paige rested her head on his shoulder. And for a moment, everything felt right, as both of them swayed back and forth, stepping on one another's toes. Paige closed her eyes, and more tears began to stream down her cheeks.

She was finally mourning the death of Sean Cameron.

---


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry for not writing in an eternity. Having writer's block isn't exactly fun. But I'm back, and I hope this chapter makes up for it.

She promised herself that she wouldn't do it again.

But then again promises were as truthful as the people who made them.

Ellie stood in front of her bathroom sink, holding the puny, pink razor. And right now, she was staring it down, locked in its grip. The funeral was too much for even her to handle, and she knew this. A part of her wished that she had the balls to stick it out; to watch his casket go into the earth. But that would've been torture. She knew that this was the right thing to do, this was her way of celebrating Sean's death, and she sure as fuck would do it on her terms.

In a fluid motion, she swiped the pussy blade across her wrist.

It didn't even make a scratch. Mad at the failure of her attempts, did the big girl thing, and threw the razor in the trash.

Maybe she would keep her promise. Maybe she was meant to. Or possibly the gods made it so.

---

Even though all of them had left Paige to be alone in her mourning process, Paige Michulchuck still continued to grieve, clinging on to Jay Hogart's waist for dear life. She felt that if she didn't do this, then she would topple over. She no longer felt awkward in his embrace, and began to get use to the smell of his cologne.

And she was surprised by Jay's amount of chivalry. He hadn't tried to be a perv and grab her ass, nor did he try to pull her closer. He just let her be, an action that Paige didn't experience often.

They continued to sway back and forth, like a rocking chair, not saying anything. The dirt got between the crevices in Paige's bare feet, ruining her 50 dollar pedicure. But this didn't face her, and her venir of bitchiness and superficiality had melted away. Shocking. Almost too wrapped up in the moment, it took Paige a minute to realize that her cell phone was ringing. The pixilated singing of Britney Spears stopped when she flipped her phone open.

"Hello."

"Paige? Where are you?" She only knew that this voice was Hazel, and rolled her eyes. Jay gave her an ounce of privacy, by walking away to light his cigarette.

"Where do you think? The funeral."

"Well, the funeral ended 20 minutes ago. You were supposed to come over, and help me pick out an outfit for tomorrow night." Shit. She looked to her left. They were all gone, and Hazel was right. Had she really wasted her valuable time with the likes of Jay Hogart?

"Oops, I forgot." Hazel sighed on the other line.

"Ok, well you better be over here soon." And like that, she hung up. Paige closed her phone.

She wasn't nice. She wasn't caring.

She was a bitch.

A bitch who was too fucking good to be snuggled up with Jay Hogart.

Picking up her purse, and sliding into her shoes, making them even dirtier- Paige composed herself. Jay walked back over, puffing on his cigarette. Paige hoped that they could both forget about this, and continued the part of their lives where they ignored one another.

"I gotta go."

"Ok." Jay nodded his head sheepishly. Of course she didn't need his approval. So why did she feel like she did?

"And Jay?"

"What?"

"Can we pretend that this never happened."

"What happened? We didn't do anything princess. We were just grieving." She flinched at this.

"Yeah, just grieving."

Paige then left Jay behind, and walked towards her car. And then she would proceed to Hazel's house, to manage her carbs and talk trash about Degrassi's non-elite. Because, this was who she was.

---

Sean laughed at the sight of Paige walking off on Jay. He had always thought that his playboy status had permitted it.

But Jay wouldn't hook up with Paige? Who was notorious for being able to diss your outfit in more than one way. She was superficial, so was he.

Maybe they would make the perfect couple.

Sean laughed again at the low bars his classmates now raised. It was pathetic.

It was almost pathetic as dying.

---

Craig walked Emma up to her porch, both of them a centimeter apart. Emma still continued to hold his hand, a little more tightly than before.

He knew that she was using his hand as a crutch, and he was perfectly fine with that. Stands of her blonde hair continued to fly in her mouth from the wind. He was now intrigued by her hair. Even when she was gulfing down two double cheeseburgers and a four piece box of chicken nuggets, he would stare at her hair. And even though it was shameful to think it, he wanted to touch it- run his hands through it. Only in the supporting, comforting way of course. Emma finally let go of his hand. Craig could tell that she didn't want to, and could tell that she would hold on to it for the rest of her life. Her legs were trembling, and Craig quickly scooped her up in a hug. It was the only thing that he could think to do. Emma was shaking, and he felt her trembling up against his skin. He wished that she would just cry already; wished that she would let down her independent façade and fucking cry. He took this chance to rub her hair, and he knew that she was surprised by this- and if she wasn't so fragile, she would dropkick his ass. But she let him touch her hair, and Craig felt that his hand could've stayed there forever. But in a move of sheer ballsiness, he moved his hands down her back, and rested them right near her ass- a move that meant he wasn't touching it, but was close to it. It was a scummy move, but he did anyways, and Emma didn't seem to oblige. Anyone who was walking past would think that they were two kids in a loving embrace- two kids who were too afraid to seal the deal after the first day. But they were just kids. Two kids who just happened to be at the same place, at the same time. Nothing more. Craig looked up at the stars, and the sky seemed clearer than usual. Even the guy in the sky had expectations for this night.

But she wasn't his. And he knew this. And slowly, he pulled away, leaving Emma to stand on her own. And he knew that she would be able to do it. Flustered, she tugged at her shirt.

"Well, thanks for today, Craig. I don't think that I would've made it through without you, as cheesy as it sounds…"

"No, it's ok. But, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." She said smiling, weakly, but smiling. Craig waved back, and watched her smile. Even when it disappeared behind the door.

---


	5. Chapter 5

Emma walked inside to a quiet house, and closed the door behind her. She was somewhat disappointed that Craig didn't make his move. And for the first time, was sadden by the fact that a guy didn't attempt to take advantage of her vulnerability and try to act like a perv. Even though it wouldn't mean much, Emma secretly wanted the attention. She wanted to be lusted after again. She wanted to someone's tongue to be uncomfortably shoved down her throat.

She wanted to be touched, and equally wanted to touch someone back.

She walked upstairs slowly, as if not to miss anything, and when she went into room she didn't bother to turn on the light. Crawling into bed, she pulled the covers up to her chin, and stared up at the ceiling. There were a few glow in the dark stars stuck up there from the previous years. Blinking, her vision became blurry, and she knew that soon enough she would start crying. What had happened to her "tough-as-nails" mentality? She wasn't supposed to cry, and she had made a mental pact to herself as to not do so. She felt a fat tear roll down her cheek and land at the nape of her neck. Lifting up her hand, she touched her wet cheek, and let it rest there for a minute. More tears splattered on to her cheek and made their way onto her hand. They kept coming at a rapid pace, with no stopping in between. Emma wasn't going to acknowledge the fact that she was crying, and kept on doing it with no remorse. Through her open window she could hear the subtle chirping of crickets, which broke through the barrier of silence. While crying, Emma turned to her side, looking at the empty side of her bed.

And for some reason, she wished that Craig Manning's body filled it.

---


End file.
